


Don't Tell Trott

by DraniKitty



Series: Short stories from the Garbage Court [7]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Bottle rocket, Careful where you set them off
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:37:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4584525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraniKitty/pseuds/DraniKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mess of short stories where any combination of Ross, Smith, and Will do something they don't want Trott finding out about.</p><p>Updates randomly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Well that was a shit idea

The three stared up at the ruined building, clothing all astray. Smith's jacket hung on by one shoulder, Will's barely hanging on at his elbows, and Ross' favorite hoodie now bore burn marks. A wall fell inward, letting out a loud, crashing 'whump' as it made contact with the smouldering remains that were the floor, sending smoke and dust up into the night.

Blinking owlishly, Will turned to Smith and Ross. "Well that was a shit idea."

Smith could only nod slowly. "Yeah..."

Ross cleared his throat, then shoved his hands into his hoodie's front pocket. It promptly disintegrated in a manner that reminded him of cartoons. "So... We're not telling Trott about this, right?"

Smith shook his head. "Nope."

"No arguments THERE..." Will pulled his jacket back on, then looked down at himself, before looking at Smith and Ross. "So, um... How do we explain our clothes to him?"

Ross' brow furrowed, face scrunching up. "That's... A good question."

Clearing his throat, Smith turned and walked toward his car. "Well, we can't figure it out staying HERE. Maybe we can find something at the second-hand shop that'll be a close enough approximation to our clothes..."

There were sounds of agreement as Ross and Will followed. The challenge would be finding pants that could convincingly match Ross'.

Behind them, the bottle rocket gave one last puff of smoke, somewhere in the ruins of the abandoned house, before fully dying. A second wall fell on top of it, before the rest followed it down.


	2. Hats and mushrooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew getting one hat back could be so... Painful.

"Come on, just toss it down! We won't be mad, we promise!"

The child staring down at the three couldn't have been more than ten summers old, all wild red hair in a shirt decorated with mushrooms. She sat on a high wall, just out of even Ross' reach, a big grin on her face. "If you want it, you gotta give me something good!"

Smith growled, jumping to swipe at her, only to come up short. "Fuck your promise, Will, I'm gonna wring her little neck!"

Pulling on his shirt so he stayed back, Will motioned up to the girl. "Did you stop to think that maybe if we hurt her, we'll get hell from her guard? I don't care HOW small her guard is next to us, I'M not into anything hitting me in the knees or worse!"

"But she has Sips' hat! That's his CROWN!"

They both stopped as first one shoe, then another, flew past them. With a growl, Ross began climbing the wall, using his claws in a way he didn't do so much lately. Up on the wall, the girl was too busy admiring the gold thread of the crown stitched into the hat to notice, until stone fingers closed tightly on the back of her shirt. "Give the hat back!"

She let out a squeal of terror, smacking him on the face with the hat. "FIONA!"

"OW OW OW! STOP that!" One arm flailing, Ross did his best to grab the hat. "Give that back!"

Will looked at Smith, pointing up. "Help me GRAB him! We don't need the Mushroom Court on our asses!"

"On it!" They both jumped up along the wall, grabbing a leg each. At first they just narrowly avoided the sharp spade on the end of Ross' tail, but they each let out a yelp as they yanked and the tail sliced across their backs. It was followed by pained grunts as Ross was pulled down on top of them, the girl falling with them.

Both Will and Smith coughed after having the breath crushed out of them, wiggling out of under Ross' stone weight. In Ross' arms, the girl struggled, only released once he grabbed the hat back from her. As she ran off, Ross got up, letting out a snort.

His victory was short-lived as first Smith and then Will smacked him on the back of the head. "Ow! What was that for?! I got Sips' hat back!"

"Because now we're going to have a whole court angry at us besides JUST the Storm Court!" Smith snatched the hat away from Ross, looking it over. There were no scuff marks, thankfully, nor were there holes.

There was an arrow flying past them, though.

And then a second one...

They all turned, Ross hopping on one foot to put his shoes back on, to see a group of angry fae charging at them, weapons drawn.

Will was the first to back up, before turning and running. "DAMMIT, ROSS!"

Smith took off after him, with Ross giving up trying to put his shoes on as he ran after them. He turned and pelted first one shoe and then the other at the angry mushroom-decorated horde.

As they rounded a corner, diving for the car, Smith let out a scream of pain. They didn't pause to see why, simply diving in. Ross let out a horrified sound. "There's an arrow in your ass!"

"I CAN FUCKING FEEL THAT!" Smith yanked his keys out, shoving them at Will. "Not sitting, YOU drive!"

"WHAT?! But-"

Managing to scramble into the back with Ross, Smith yanked Will over the back slightly. "Do I LOOK like I can drive right now? I HAVE AN ARROW IN MY ASS!"

"Right, I'll drive!" He moved back into the driver's seat, shoving the keys in and turning it on. With a squeal of tires, he shot away from the angry mob.

In the back seat, Ross grabbed the arrow by the shaft. "You ready for this?"

"NO I'm not rea- FUCK!" He shot Ross a glare, eyes filled with murder. "WARN a guy!"

He tapped the bloodied tip of the arrow on Smith's nose. "If I had WARNED you, it would have been WORSE. Be happy it's a stone arrow."

Rubbing his face and trembling, Smith grunted. "That doesn't make it any BETTER!"

"Well you're not DYING, are you?"

"I COULD BE!"

Gripping the steering wheel, Will focused on the road. "Can we at least agree on one thing?"

Shifting to get more comfortable where he was laying across the entire back seat, Smith propped himself up on his elbows, looking at the back of Will's head. "And that is?"

"Let's not tell Trott."

There was silence before Smith erupted in more expletives, confusing many people as the green sports car shot by down the road.


	3. The lizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Always remember to clean your closets periodically.

It was well known in the Garbage Court that Ross could eat just about anything, being made of stone, glass, and magic, that it made others wonder, further down the chain, if there was a limit. After the disaster of eating the glass fruit his mother had sent, Will had grown curious, himself.

He was busy cleaning one of the closets in the flat when he jumped back with a yell. "What the hell?!"

Smith sauntered over, a sandwich in hand, as he looked over Will's shoulder. "What's up, mate?"

Using the on-hand broom, he ushered out a shriveled and mummified lizard of some sort. "When the hell was the last time any of you cleaned this closet out?! This thing's PETRIFIED, on its way to being a FOSSIL!"

He crouched down, picking it up. "So that's where that went..."

"Where that... WHAT?"

Standing back up, Smith held the long-dead lizard up. "Yeah, found a lizard on the window one summer, brought it in and tried keeping it as a pet. It got out and we had no idea where it went. Now we know!"

Will's nose wrinkled. "The poor lizard..." He leaned on the broom, turning thoughtful. "Think Ross would eat it?" It couldn't possibly be worse than glass fruit, could it?

There was a breath of silence, before Smith's face cracked into a grin. "Let's find out! But don't tell Trott, he'll skin us if he found out." Dried-up lizard in hand, he went off to look for Ross, Will leaving the broom to follow right behind him.

They found him sprawled out on his back in a patch of sunlight, like a dog or cat or something, tail curled into a loop as he snored away. Will crouched next to him, staring. "I almost feel bad, waking him up... I mean, look at him! He's like a big stone kitten!"

"I always thought he was more of a puppy..." He nudged Ross' leg with one foot, watching him snort and murmur. "Still, funny seein' him lay like this." Smith considered kicking Ross, but he valued not limping. His stone flesh had enough give for gripping, but he was still stone. Kicking him would mean broken toes.

Will reached over, poking his stomach. "Hey, Ross, wake up!" When he got no response, he grabbed the bottom of his hoodie, yanking it up over his head. "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!"

Smith stared at him, one eyebrow up. "What the hell? Eggs and BAKEY?"

"Bacon and eggs? You can't tell me you're as old as you are and you've never heard that!" He fell back as Ross sat up, flailing to get the hoodie off his head.

"Dammit, Smith, not again!" He got the shirt off his head, then turned around, finding Will grinning at him. "Oh. YOU pulled my hoodie over my head?"

"It worked, didn't it? We have a wager for you!"

Stretching his arms over his head, Ross let out a pleasant groan. He didn't NEED to stretch, as with many of the things he did, but damn it felt good. "What kind of wager?"

Smith held up the lizard, a grin plastered across his face. "Hundred pounds if you eat this."

"Oh no, not that again!" Ross swatted the hand-holding lizard away. "Last time you bet me to eat something, I got a good idea what women go through!" The stomach ache had lasted hours that he didn't want to repeat.

Will dug out his wallet, producing bank notes. "What about three hundred each?"

He eyed them both skeptically, frowning. "I want to see the money FIRST."

"Right, right..." Setting the lizard down, Smith dug out his own wallet, taking the money out and passing it to Will, where it joined the prize pool. "There, six hundred pounds if you eat this dried up old lizard. And remember, not a word to Trott!"

As he took the lizard, he eyed Smith skeptically. "Why, afraid he'll be mad?"

"Mate, he damn near ripped my head off for the fruit thing." He'd been mad at Sips, too, for not stopping either one of them, but he'd been far more angry at Smith for betting Ross in the first place. He held a finger up, face as stern as he could make it. "Not a WORD to Trott."

Ross contemplated his options. He had a pretty good idea how old the lizard probably was, and chances were good he might end up with another stomach ache. On the other hand, this was the easiest way he'd ever found to make money. It also let him test the boundaries of just what he could and couldn't eat.

Foam and glass fruit were in the 'do not eat' list, for certain.

After a moment regarding the mummified reptile, he took a large bite of it. The face he made had both Smith and Will cracking up, as he slowly chewed and crunched it. Intent on that money, he shoved the rest in, soon swallowing it. "Ugh, that was disgusting!" He got up, heading for the kitchen. "If I lay an egg or something, I'm blaming you both and there's no amount of promising to stop me telling Trott!"

Will stopped laughing, blinking as his expression turned serious. "Wait, DO you lay eggs? How do gargoyles... WORK?"

"Fuck if I know, never had it happen. But we'll find out, won't we?" He opened not a beer but Smith's bottle of whiskey, downing several chugs of it, intent on burning away the taste of dusty old reptile. Thankfully a bad taste was the worst that happened.


End file.
